rest

Hello there. I'm writing this from bed, where I should be for the next 3 weeks if I'm lucky. It seems my baby was planning for an early arrival, so I'm doing my best to keep him in there until he's full term.

I'm sure if you've been on bed rest before you know this already, but I just have to say that it's no vacation. I went from feeling like a competent, confident expectant mama to feeling afraid to move, fearing that any movement might bring on preterm labor. I went from actively preparing for my baby's arrival to feeling like an invalid, unable to do things for myself, let alone my baby. I went from eagerly counting down the days until he arrives to nervously counting up the days he's been inside. I am thankful for each day more that my baby gets to stay inside and keep growing.  

I'm trying to quell the worry that occupies my days now. My body is gradually adjusting to the medication I have to take to ward off contractions. I am finding ways to keep my body comfortable. And I'm slowly finding productive ways to spend my time.

Yesterday my mom and sister helped me sort through boxes of hand-me-down baby clothes from my cousin. And I finished knitting this stuffed elephant for the baby. It's a really sweet, simple toy, and it makes me happy to think of my son playing with it in the not-too-distant future. You can read my notes on knitting it on my Ravelry page. It's an adorable product, but fiddly to knit (it's the only knitting project I've ever thrown across the room in frustration). 

K has been a great support in these bed rest days. He cooks, he cleans, and he makes me smile. He reminds me that 3 weeks is not long in the scheme of things and that even if our baby is born early, everything will be all right. He spent yesterday painting the nursery and making pie crusts to freeze so we can make pies and quiches after the baby comes. I already know he's going to be a great dad.

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I hope you are all doing well and spending lots of time with your loved ones!

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weeks 29, 30, and 31

29 weeks

29 weeks: We finally got some focus (and baby's first toy: a tiny wooden train).

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30 weeks 

30 weeks: I can't believe how big this baby is now!

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31 weeks

31 weeks

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The weeks are flying by now. They've been a whirl of focus, panic, excitement, tears, exhaustion, and amazement. 

I'm most amazed by just how much I can feel this little guy moving. We've started having regular mid-morning playtimes. He'll start squirming around, I'll rub his back, and then he'll press harder against my hand. The other day he was kicking his feet and moving his body at the same time so that I could really feel just how much he's grown (according to the Internet, he should be around 17 inches long now and weighs nearly four pounds!). This whole pregnancy experience feels more and more real each day.

We chose a wonderful doula and are thrilled that she'll there to support us during the birth. We instantly felt comfortable with her. She's attended more than 100 births and has worked with our care provider and hospital many times before. In fact, at our last midwife appointment, I mentioned our doula's name and our midwife not only knew her, but had wonderful things to say about her. Our doula makes me feel much less anxious about the birth.

However, I did panic a couple days ago when it felt like my body was going to explode. Every part of me feels full and stretched tight; I cannot imagine how it will continue to grow for another eight weeks. I underestimated how much of a toll pregnancy would take on my body and emotions. I kept thinking that labor and delivery would be the hard part, and I know they will, but I glossed over the whole "I'm growing another person" thing. This week I've been exhausted and slow-moving, which finally made me realize I need to take things slower and treat my body more kindly. More naps, early bedtimes, walks, and warm showers are in my future. 

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I hope you're treating yourself kindly this week too! I plan to take it easy today after I check off some errands from my never-ending to-do list.

weeks 27 and 28

27 weeks

I made it to the third trimester! I've definitely been nervous about this trimester, worried that I'd feel as exhausted as I did during the first trimester. And when Week 27 hit, I did feel more tired, but I think a lot of that has to do with the constant to-do list running through my mind. I'm not sleeping as much as I should because I'm trying to cram a million things into the next three months. Up until now I've kept busy making plans, and it seems like I'm finally checking things off my list.

I feel much heavier than I did in the itty-bitty baby bump days. I know at some point I'll look back on Week 27 and think, "That was nothing!" But for now, my body feels enormous. Picking things up has become much harder and getting off the couch requires more maneuvering. Everything I do takes longer than it used to. 

K and I started our birth class this week, which focuses on having an empowered birth, no matter what type of birth you want. We're learning our options so we can make informed decisions about what is best for us and our baby.

28 weeks

This week we took a weekend getaway to Nashville, TN. While we were there we visited the full-size replica of the Parthenon and took a walk in sunny Centennial Park. We celebrated my birthday and our last out-of-town trip before the baby arrives. I can't believe I'm the age I'll be when I have my first baby. It's something I always wondered about when I was growing up, and now the time is finally here!

We also started interviewing doulas this week. It keeps my anxiety level in check to know we'll have someone with us throughout the entire labor and birth who can offer comfort and support. She can also help us remember all the things we're learning in our birth class that I'm certain we'll forget as soon as labor starts!

weeks 25 and 26

Week 25

During Week 25, we visited K's hometown. We danced at our friends' wedding party and visited with K's parents. While we were there it snowed a few inches, which was a special treat because last year we didn't get any snow! We enjoyed the winter wonderland for a few hours before heading home to celebrate the new year.

We had a quiet New Year's Eve at home. K and I both fell asleep around 11:30, even though I was trying so hard to stay up! We woke up a few minutes after midnight to find Billy Joel singing on the TV and a baby dancing along in my belly. I couldn't believe our boy rang in the new year without us!

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Week 26

We spent Week 26 with my family. We said goodbye to my grandpa and spent the week surrounded by cousins, aunts, and uncles. We talked a lot about babies and how soon this one will be out in the world with us. I watched my cousin's 2-year-old son and three-year-old daughter play together at the funeral home. It felt really good to see them laugh; it was a great reminder of how joyful life is, even when things seem most somber.

This week the baby started stretching out so that I could feel him on both sides of my belly at once. He's getting so big! According to my online reading, he should be about two pounds now. What the what? K and I are really going to have to paint the nursery and pick out a name soon. I definitely feel the clock ticking now and am counting down the weeks until his due date, trying to figure out how I'm going to cram in all the things I want to make and do before he arrives. I need more time!

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Thank you for all your kind words yesterday. It helped me so much to share my thoughts about my grandpa and to have your support. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know!

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23 and 24 weeks

Week 23 was an emotional one. It took all I had to muster up a smile for these photos. This was the week that 27 people were killed in Newtown, CT, including 20 little kids. I couldn't stop thinking about all those kids, all their parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. The web of connections kept spinning in my head as I imagined all the lives touched by such a terrible tragedy. I imagined the parents excitedly preparing for the births of those children only a few short years ago. Parents who had so much love and so many hopes. 

I felt grateful this week that I'm still carrying my baby with me everywhere, all the time. I cradle my stomach and sing to him and hope that he will find happiness in a world that contains such craziness. I thought a lot about the poem "Song for Baby-O, Unborn" by Diane Di Prima. I first read it as a teenager, and it has remained with me ever since. It was a great comfort this week.

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During Week 24, we celebrated Christmas with family and friends. It was great to catch up with relatives and share our excitement about the baby. This baby already has so many people who love him and are ready to welcome him in April.

Unfortunately, the stress of the holidays (three family get togethers in two cities in two days! with food to prepare! and presents to get! and travel!) and pregnancy hormones finally caught up with me. I found myself crying suddenly, for no apparent reason, several times. And not just a few tears. I'd be fine one minute and the next minute I'd be sobbing. Luckily, K is supportive and great at comforting me. Neither of us quite understands these hormones, but I'm glad he's there to make me laugh and give me hugs until the tears stop.

22 weeks

Days are still growing shorter, as you can tell from the early evening light and shadows in this photo. It's finally turned cold in Kentucky, and I'm happy to have winter weather; it calls for many layers of knitted woolens!

This week K and I have been talking about baby things almost constantly. We still have lots of big things to figure out (a budget! a baby name!), but we aren't feeling desperately short on time yet. So, I've been leisurely flipping through a stack of baby name books instead of poring over them. We've made lists of things we need to do to prepare for the baby, but we haven't actually crossed anything off those lists.

I have, however, made some fun (if minor) decisions. I tried to imagine what a Moonrise Kingdom nursery would look like, so I picked out Sarah Watts' Timber and Leaf fabric in the Timber palette to kick off the design process. The combination of aqua, golden yellow, sassafras brown, and gray seemed just right for a modern, woodsy nursery. And somehow the woodland creatures on the fabric are adorable without being too cutesy or babyish. I ordered a stack of fat quarters to make a small patchwork quilt. I also bought some sassafras-colored yarn to knit a baby-sized Umaro, but I won't let myself cast on until after I finish my holiday knitting.

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Baby boy is kicking up a storm these days and making his presence known. Over the weekend I was hanging out, just me, baby, and my knitting. He started kicking pretty hard, so I talked to him, and then he kicked so hard I saw him kick. I've been waiting to see him move for a while now because Casey commented that was one of her favorite things about pregnancy. To experience it for myself was amazing!

    

21 weeks

Each day I feel my little boy kicking more, which makes the impending birth and baby feel even more real. The other night I stayed up way too late knitting and reading, and just before midnight he started moving around like crazy. Doesn't he know we're a family of morning people? He moved so much that even K had a chance to feel him. That doesn't happen very often because it seems that as soon as I say, "K, he's kicking!" the baby gets shy and settles down for some quiet time.

This week we signed up for a birthing class that doesn't require us to adopt a new philosophy, which makes me happy. There are a wide variety of classes offered in our area, so choosing one felt overwhelming. We're planning for a natural birth and wanted a class that will give us the knowledge, skills, and confidence we need to face such an intense experience. I think we found one!

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Thank you for allowing me to document this wonderful, crazy time in my life. It's fun to share my experiences with you and hear about your own (or your loved ones') pregnancies and babies.

I hope you're happy and well this week!

20 weeks: oh, we're halfway there

At 20 weeks pregnant I feel like an old lady. It already feels harder to get in and out of chairs and bed. I woke up this morning with a hip ache and some pretty intense ligament stretching. Yikes! 

At least I finally bought some maternity clothes. I'm much more comfortable in pants and leggings with stretchy belly covers. So comfortable, actually, that I'm not sure I can ever go back to buttons and zippers after this.

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But the most exciting thing that happened this week was our 20-week ultrasound.

We found out a little bit more about the person growing inside me...

It was amazing to see him moving around. He moves much more than I can feel! We got to see his tiny hands moving and his heart beating. Such a sweet sight for a new mama and dad! It definitely made me want to quote Raising Arizona.

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I hope you're having a good week too!

19 weeks: vessels

At 19 weeks pregnant I can still sit comfortably at a potter's wheel and throw pots. This week in my pottery class I sat down with my balls of clay and centered each one easily. If you've never thrown a pot before, you first place your ball of clay on the wheel, add water, and start it spinning. To bring the clay to the exact center of the wheel, you cup your hands around it and push down and in at the same time. 

This week centering came naturally. I felt so focused on the clay, the feel of my hands squeezing, and my whole body bringing my energy in. After I made my first pot, I began to shape it without much thought. I gave it a round belly, then collared in the neck and brought the lip back out. I made nearly all my pots this week in the same shape. It looked fluid and natural, and my hands seemed to make the shape on their own. I didn't realize until just now, looking at these photos, that my pots mimic the shape of my changing body. It's a strange and wonderful connection. 

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Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers! I don't know about you, but I'm already thankful for the rest I'll get after all of the holiday hubbub subsides.

I hope all of you get to share this weekend with people you love!

18 weeks: the quickening

This week I actually feel like a pregnant lady. For some reason I always say "pregnant lady" instead of "pregnant" and my sister makes fun of me for it. Anyway, last Friday I felt my ligaments stretching to make more room for the baby, and then I woke up on Sunday with a definite baby bump. So yeah, I feel like a pregnant lady now.

On Sunday night, I was lying in bed reading and resting my hand on my stomach. Then I felt a little tap inside my belly! All that ligament stretching must have given the baby enough room to start exploring. Korey was in the other room, so I yelled that I felt the baby move. After he came in, we talked for a few minutes and then I felt another tap. Someone's really in there! I've spent months just hoping everything is going all right, so it's comforting to feel that this baby is growing like it should.

The past few nights I've read a few pages of Evangeline out loud for the baby (and me). It's never too early to start cultivating a love of literature, right? Korey and I both hope this kid will like to read. 

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This week I'm also gearing up for the start of holiday baking. I'm so excited about it! Tonight I made two pie crusts to freeze; I plan to make a chocolate pecan pie for Thanksgiving. I also made some gingerbread dough to freeze and bake next week. My grandma and I both really like gingerbread cookies, so I make them every Thanksgiving for her. And soon I'll get to start baking Christmas cookies!

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Do you have any baking plans for the holidays? I'd love to hear about your go-to recipes!

17 weeks

I was 17 weeks pregnant on Halloween. Seventeen weeks pregnant means only the top button of my coat buttons and I can wear my jeans only with the help of the hairband trick. Most days I look (and feel) just plain fat instead of pregnant, but I've been told that most first-time mothers notice a growth spurt between 20 and 24 weeks.

Right now I'm carrying a baby the size of an apple or a turnip or a tiny pumpkin (take your pick; every website says something different). Every day I hope for the quickening: the time when I first feel the baby move. And still, I'm waiting. I hope it happens sooner, rather than later. I'm ready to interact with this little one!

I'm glad to be firmly in the second trimester. I feel good. Normal, actually. During the first trimester I spent most of my time asleep or sick, so I'm happy to have energy to help make dinner, bake bread, or, you know, reorganize the house. After three months of sluggishness, I used my first burst of energy to rearrange our bedroom. Our upstairs living room soon followed, and I've set my sights on the kitchen cabinets next. I'm afraid the third trimester will zap my energy again, so I'm trying to pack as much into these three months as I can.

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I hope you're all doing well! What's going on in your life this week?

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