Sunday, December 30, 2012

23 and 24 weeks

Week 23 was an emotional one. It took all I had to muster up a smile for these photos. This was the week that 27 people were killed in Newtown, CT, including 20 little kids. I couldn't stop thinking about all those kids, all their parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. The web of connections kept spinning in my head as I imagined all the lives touched by such a terrible tragedy. I imagined the parents excitedly preparing for the births of those children only a few short years ago. Parents who had so much love and so many hopes. 

I felt grateful this week that I'm still carrying my baby with me everywhere, all the time. I cradle my stomach and sing to him and hope that he will find happiness in a world that contains such craziness. I thought a lot about the poem "Song for Baby-O, Unborn" by Diane Di Prima. I first read it as a teenager, and it has remained with me ever since. It was a great comfort this week.

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During Week 24, we celebrated Christmas with family and friends. It was great to catch up with relatives and share our excitement about the baby. This baby already has so many people who love him and are ready to welcome him in April.

Unfortunately, the stress of the holidays (three family get togethers in two cities in two days! with food to prepare! and presents to get! and travel!) and pregnancy hormones finally caught up with me. I found myself crying suddenly, for no apparent reason, several times. And not just a few tears. I'd be fine one minute and the next minute I'd be sobbing. Luckily, K is supportive and great at comforting me. Neither of us quite understands these hormones, but I'm glad he's there to make me laugh and give me hugs until the tears stop.


  1. I totally understand how you are feeling! After what happened a couple weeks ago all I could do was think about how precious my little man is to me and how those parents were doing the same things with their little ones six years ago. It broke my heart over and over. One of the best feelings during my pregnancy was that my little one was growing and that I was protecting him. I felt like it was one less thing to worry about.

    And I LOVE that poem. I read it first in college and had a print of it framed for my sons room.

  2. My baby boys are 17 and 14 now and I wonder how that happened. I remember my first pregnancy so well. It was a miraculous, wonderful time. Enjoy every moment, crazy hormones and all. No matter how old our children are, we worry about them. I told my older son the other day that I didn't want him out at night with all the crazy people and his response was "mom, there are crazy people all over the world, we can't help that." Kids are good at just living life and not worrying about what might happen. Wishing you and yours a wonderful new year. Tammy

  3. The close of 2012 has been a heart-wrenching one and even without pregnancy hormones, it's almost impossible not to grieve along with those dear families in Newtown. You look beautiful and are clearly surrounded by a lot of love and care ... cry when you want to and smile all the same. Sometimes we don't need to understand why we feel one way or another -- we just need to feel. Happy new year and treasure every moment!

  4. Happy New Year Allison from a fellow Kentucky blogger :)


  5. Happy New Year! I'm glad you have someone so understanding during your emotional meltdowns--S was much more supportive during this last pregnancy, and it really helped! I know what you mean about the craziness of the world--I was very emotional over the news, too, especially with my 1st grader and my newborn. Thank you for introducing me to the poem; I hadn't read that one before now.

  6. Such a tragedy...the holes in those parent's hearts...

    Sorry to hear the pregnancy hormones are making things so rough. It'll pass.

    All in all, I hope you had a nice holiday, surrounded with the people you love, Allison. I wish you an amazing 2013!

  7. Horrific tragedy which also pisses me off at how so many innocents were taken away like that. Those poor parents and community.
    Other than that, I smiled at your episodes of hormones. It's funny how the bun in the oven takes over our body and we have no control. I don't think I was weepy. I was more cranky and tired.
    Glad you have a beautiful holiday w/your ohana near and far. Hau oli makahiki hou!

  8. You look so beautiful in your pictures! Your one by the Christmas tree is my favorite :) I haven't been pregnant, but I know how it feels to start crying suddenly. Give in to it and you'll feel so relieved & lighter once it passes. :) Wishing you a wonderful, blessed 2013!


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