Monday, June 24, 2013

jumping back in

Hello there. I feel like I've been away for such a long time. Sure, I've popped into this space every once in a while, but I haven't really sat down and had a good visit. I miss it. I miss interacting with all of you.

These first three months of motherhood have consumed me. I've been completely immersed in the daily happenings of my little guy. He has needed so much of me. I've spent many hours cuddling, nursing (oh, so much nursing!), and making a variety of funny noises to see which ones coax a smile from him. My conversations have revolved around spit up and poop. At the end of each day, I've taken a hot shower and dropped into bed for a few hours of sleep before being roused for a middle-of-the-night feeding.

Suddenly this weekend I felt different. As cheesy as it sounds, I really did feel awakened to the outside world again. I wanted to emerge from the all-consuming baby time and get back out there. I wanted to reconnect with friends and spend time here on the blog with you. So here I am. 

I have a lot to say but of course can't say it all at once. Who has the time? Not me. Anyway, here's a start.


I quit my job. It felt momentous and awkward. I never quit things, so it took all my guts and many deep breaths to tell my boss that I wasn't coming back. Later I felt a flood of tears, tears of relief, but also of mourning. I grieved for the loss of two stable incomes and the feeling of competence I found in doing something every day that I knew how to do. I had a sense of pride in my work that helped shape my identity. My work certainly didn't define me, but it did form a part of me.

For years I've known that I wanted to stay home for at least my baby's first year. I've also known that it probably wouldn't be financially feasible for our family, and I had come to terms with that. However, when K and I took a good hard look at our budget, we realized we could swing it. Once that dream became a real possibility, though, I got nervous. Having two paychecks means less scrimping and saving and more money for extras like traveling and eating out. Ultimately, K and I decided that fewer monetary worries would mean more emotional worries, and that trade-off wasn't worth it to us. So I traded in my office job, where I knew what the heck I was doing each day, for one that I'm still trying to figure out.

My mom recently asked me how it felt to no longer be working outside the home. And even though I hesitated to leave my job, I've thought about work only a handful of times since I turned in my resignation. Don't get me wrong, I sometimes miss the daily interaction with other adults and having conversations that don't revolve around bodily functions, but my days are so full now that I don't think about the office.

I hope your days are full too, and I hope I'll get to spend much more time visiting with you in the future.



  1. Ah, look at those cheeks. How do you keep from munching on them?
    I think most of us understand that when little ones appear, personal time disappears. I am glad that you were able to change your path, in regards to your job. I don't see it as quitting but rather going in a different direction. This is not to take away from how hard this must have been for you. But I know you wouldn't have done it, if it wasn't important to your family. So well done you.

  2. First off, baby boy is damn cute! Look at his cheeks and tufts of soft, fuzzy hair.
    Second off, I think you did the right thing. I totally relate to your post because I went through the same thing. I was a teacher for a good amount of time. Yup, had total confidence in my job and what the heck I was doing. I had social interaction. But the demands was too much. Emotionally and physically, I couldn't handle both motherhood and teaching. I figured my little one needed me more. That the gift of being able to stay home and spend this QT with my daughters was far more precious and was something I could never get back. It is priceless.
    So yeah, you're figuring out motherhood with this adorable one and you'll be on your own more. But you know what? You will forever look back upon this time as a golden opportunity you were smart to snap up. You won't regret it at all. It was a big decision but you survived the process. Now it's time to move ahead down this new path.
    You can always look up SAHM groups to hang out with.
    Baby/mommy music class is always fun or baby/mommy exercise class where baby is your dumbbell.

  3. Oh, those cheeks!

    I know everyone is different. I know that if I had babies, I'd want to be home with them. Some women aren't like that and would rather get back to work. Everyone is different and that's fine. I am so happy that the choice you made is right for you! I wish you all the best on this journey.

  4. What a sweetie pie. I went through the same tears and yet feeling of relief when I quit my job. Things have a way of working out.

  5. Those chubby cheeks and little rolls and creases! Love them! Reminds me of the movie line about wanting to actually "eat your children"--I know I love Adallae's cheeks and rolls! You had actually been on my mind with the whole work thing, because I know what I went through when I first quit. Then, when I thought I would go back full-time (to something!), I found out I was expecting Adallae. Tempted to try teaching full-time this fall, I discovered I'm expecting again! Just know that if you do what is right for your family, it will work out. Granted, I haven't been on a vacation in over a year, but I wouldn't trade a trip for any of my stay-at-home moments! If you ever need adult conversation, I'm just an email/text/call/drive over the river away :) Kudos to you for doing what you feel is right!

  6. Oh my goodness, how cute is that baby?? But, you know that!

    I'm happy you made the right decision for you, you get used to staying home I think. I've been doing it for 8 years, even though there are days where I think I want to go to work, I'm glad I stay home, I love to be with my kids. I went to work for a couple months when my oldest was a baby and I just missed her like crazy.

  7. Oh he is so cute, really lovely baby :)

    I think you are right in your decision of quitting your job, you can always go back to your office but the time with your baby it wont ever come back, so... congratulations!

    Have a nice week!!

    Lluisa xx

  8. Congratulations on making that big change! Totally worth it. ;-)

  9. Well done on 2 counts - quitting your job, that must have been scary, and emerging from your first 3 months of motherhood and picking up your creativity again. It took me about a year to get back into it but I was back at work when my little man was 6months old.

    Looking forward to hearing more about your exploits

  10. Oh wow! What a big, exciting change for you and your family! I'm with everyone else, this is such a special time that you are smart to take it while you are able. The jobs will always be there. Congratulations on motherhood; he is so precious! And he sure does look like you! :)

  11. Just found your blog, love it!

    Wow, you sure have to make hard choises. But I would probably have made the same choise if I had to, at least for a while. Thankfully I live in Norway, and here the Norwegian National Insurance grants us 46 weeks of 100% paid maternity/paternity leave, so I didn't have to quit my job. (But we sure pay a lot of taxes!)
    This fall my daughter starts kindergarten, and we both work fewer hours so that she don't have to spend full days there.


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